I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
