She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
