just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
