dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
