He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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