her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
