Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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