Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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