STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
