i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize