I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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