This house was built for laser tag.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
