He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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