The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
