Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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