Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
