Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
