You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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