Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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