I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
