Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
