well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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