haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He felt like a one man threesome
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
