She is in my trunk
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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