I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
