Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just gift wrapped bread.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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