I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize