drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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