my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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