awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
