Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
