When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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