His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
