we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
