You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hate all girls vehemently.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
