the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
