Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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