i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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