just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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