I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
