that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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