Whats the glycemic index on semen?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
