So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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