I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize