Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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