wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
