If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
