Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
