there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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