Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
