Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
