the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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