My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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