Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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