Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
