i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
