Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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