he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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