Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
