I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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