remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
