just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
