when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
