Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
