if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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