rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
