I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
