Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I want is dick and wine.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
