$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
