Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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