Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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