i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
