tell your sister to shave her snatch
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
