Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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