Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
