Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
