I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
