gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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