He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
