Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
