she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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