There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
