Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
