I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
