direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
